Monday, September 16, 2013

Funny things my kids say- the "where do babies come from?" edition

It has been awhile since I shared some of my funnies with you, and this one is too good to skip (though my son may kill me later in life if he reads this).

And I am at a total loss as to what kind of picture would be suitable for this post, so I am going imageless on this one (you can thank me later).

Ever since my niece was adopted, our kids have understandably had many questions about where exactly babies come from.  My 9 year old son, Big G, especially.  Finally, he wore me down and I decided to give him the low down.  I gave him a somewhat flowery description of the biology of making babies.  To which his reply was, "you know that is totally gross, right?"  Um, right.

Anyways, it remains on his brain because every now and then a question pops up out of the blue.  He and I were driving alone in the van one day when one such moment occurred.

Big G:  Mom, when people have sex, does the man or the woman go on top?
Me (sweating bullets but trying to look calm): Well, that depends.....
Big G: And is there penis rubbing involved?
Me: (Gulp) There CAN be.....
Big G: Now would I do that part or does the doctor?

Silence.

Me:  Um.....there isn't a doctor present when you have sex, Buddy.
       (side note- there is for me, but I am married to one.  haha!)
Big G: WHAT?!?!?  You mean you don't do it in a HOSPITAL???
Me: No....most people go to the hospital for the baby to come out, but not to put it IN.
Big G: So you can do it ANYWHERE??  Like, OUTSIDE?? (waving arms frantically to the street outside our van)
Me: Well, usually in the privacy of your home is a good idea.  Otherwise, you can get arrested....
Big G, crossing arms and shaking head in disgust: I just do NOT understand this sex thing AT ALL.

35 comments:

...I am Nora..... said...

OH MY LIFE!!!!!

It was funny enough until he involved the Dr!!!

Another cracker....thanks! x

Katie B said...

Oh, sweet mercy. I can't handle this! When Luke starts having such questions (presumably when he's in his mid-twenties), I'm giving him your number.

jednoiglec said...

How funny! But on the other side it is quite challenging to explain the whole 'sex thing' to kids...

jlk said...

Hilarious! I am not looking forward to this talk with my kids.

Pam said...

so funny!! when my oldest was in 3rd grade she came home asking about the penis going in the vagina and is that true?... so we had the talk and she said" i just have one question...how long does it have to stay in there"?

Mad about Craft said...

Certainly one for the wedding reception!

Berlinquilter said...

Thank you so much for the good laugh!!! And say thank you to your dear son, too!!!

Heather said...

So funny! I came for the quilting but I stay for these posts :)
My 3 yr old knows that he has a peee-NUS as he says it. One day he said, Daddy has a pee-NUS, Benny (his brother) has a peee-NUS and YOU have a peee-NUS! I said no, Mama does not. He looked at me, horrified, and said "What do you HAVE???" One for the baby book!

Poppyprint said...

Aaaaaaand, let's keep it that way until you are 30, pal.

Colleen Flather said...

Giggling like crazy in my office!

Nupur said...

OMG I am dying laughing!!

Katy Cameron said...

That quite perked up my rather crappy day!

Shay said...

I think Miss P knows where babies come from since I'm already a grandmother. Thank goodness though because I seriously couldnt hold it together if she were to come to me with a question like that.

Im still laughing...and I read this post 10 minutes ago!

Shelley: the Dread Pirate Rodgers said...

O.M.G. ... I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. I'm not laughing AT Big G; I'm just highly amused at the situation.

My goodness, he's going to be so utterly embarrassed if he ever reads this post. Kudos to you, Mom, for sharing it with us. We all need good chuckles every now and again. :-)

Leila said...

Priceless!
You have to remember this story for when the fiancee comes over. :)

Amanda said...

Glad I have more than a solid decade before I even have to think a out fielding that kind of question. Well done!

Pauline said...

Oh that is so funny! Thank you very much for sharing this, it's hilarious.

Reminds me of the time when my then 7yo son (he's now 15) told me quite proudly, as I was driving, that he knew what a 'pagina' was. Obviously something got lost in translation from his friend's older brother's sex ed class the day before. Had to explain it actually started with a 'V'. He laughs when I remind him of it now.

We watched Teenage Embarrassing Bodies recently. Very seriously, he told me that 'paginas' looked scary and he didn't want to go near them!

traceyjay said...

:-D
I remember when my mom first told me about things I thought it was gross too!
But the rest is just too hilarious!

Charlotte said...

hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!

Four dogs and one quilter said...

" I just do not understand this sex thing at all" is a phrase he will say over and over and over again.

Jo Ann said...

Phew!

Annabella said...

Priceless!

Lynne said...

That story made both my man and I laugh! It's okay for him, we only had a daughter so I got to do the "birds and bees" stuff!

PunkiePie (Jen) said...

THAT.WAS.AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for the BEST laugh this afternoon!

Peggy Plumley said...

OMGosh!!! My son is 9 years old and thankfully he hasn't asked....yet.

Michele said...

Chuckle big time. Both of my kids are adopted so having these sorts of talks in our future will be doubly interesting to say the least.

Little Island Quilting said...

And I got asked a few years back? 'when I was made, did you do it lying down or standing up' because she'd seen a particularly raunchy episode of the historical drama 'The Elizabethans' which my husband thought would help her with her knowledge of British history!

applepiepatchwork said...

That's so funny. My 8 year old and I have had the talk, but she didn't ask anything like that.

beaniekins84(at)gmail(dot)com

bethanndodd said...

You are right...too good not to share ;) Smiles~Beth

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