"I hate you!"
"You're a....sh-t head!"
"No, YOU are a sh-t head!"
"KIDS! FOLLOW ME!"
I marched those two little potty mouths straight up to the bathroom. And locked the door.
Eyes widened. "What are we doing here?"
Me, very calm (which I am sure freaked them out all the more): "Open your mouths, I heard you say a dirty word and now I need to clean your mouths out with soap."
Kids, eyes even wider: "What do you mean?"
I reach for the good old bar soap, not the nice fruit flavoured foamy variety. "If you speak like that in my house, I am going to wash your mouth out with soap. Every time."
Kids, now wailing and apologizing, hands clasped over mouths: "No, Mama, nooooooo!!!!"
Well, you better believe I followed through on that threat, and instructed them to look me in the eye as I did it. They gagged and sputtered and drank large amounts of water after. Then they gave me hugs and said they were sorry. And, in the weeks since, I have never heard that word again........
Sometimes, you gotta kick it Old School!
Middle Child walks up to Big G and presents him a ticket with the letters BS on it.
Me: "What's that for?"
Middle Child: It's a ticket to get into my new club. The B.S. Club."
Me (pause): "Why do you call it the B.S. Club?"
Middle Child: "Because it is a special club only for brothers and sisters!"
So, in the end, I am grateful that they are still just kids at heart!